Suicide.

Sumi. Sasha.

Sasha. Sumi.

Dearly departed.

Circles. Round and around and round.

The main ideas. What are the main ideas? What happened? What did you have in common? What do you have in common with me?

Emotions. Anger. Grief. Despair.

I also know mortal fear, which you two forgot.

Tears fall and prayer is weak and we you left behind now need to find our own way back together.

There is a place I like to visit as often as I can. The place where

it is a gift to give.

If I could give…

But I can no longer give to you.

And we left behind

can only ponder

the gifts

you left us.

Bright, golden memories.

Dark, ominous questions.

What did you

what did we all do

that allowed you to forget

to take your leave

of us?

There is a place

where our love is a circle

without beginning without end

I want

to go back there

with you two

again

but there is also

a sense

in which your leaving

seems

to say

that place

is a lie.

And I am mad at you

for leaving us

mad at us

for letting you slip through

our fingers

mad at myself

for feeling this way.

And I am sad

about what happened

and part of me

will always

be.

Other parts

let go

but we who were all

torn apart

by your

disaster

now must find a stronger

bond.

Is this a poem or a letter or an extended reflection?

It is an intention

meant to convey, to impress on each and every one who knew them

(Sasha and Sumi and those others)

who chose to no longer bear with us the burden

and share with us

our rest

that none of us are separate

feeling

or not feeling

alone

we are all connected

each living

in every other

heart

and when one of us

is absent

a place

in all of us

is gone

now some of us are being strong and some of us are being philosophical and some of us are being emotional and some of us are just barely getting by

and the rest of us had better do a better job of figuring out which of us it is

who are having the hardest time

and do more to let them know

that it is also our

hard time

and it will be a lot harder

without all of us

together

as the time goes by.

I want to apologize

if I have upset anybody

and my apology

is a lie

because I would do anything

to shake us

out of our

complacency

to make us seize

again

with greater love and tenderness

each other’s

hands

to see us

still together

after much more time

and tribulation

and rejoicing

has honed our simple

family

into a noble

tribe.